Fool To Believe
by Izzi Creo
Summary: COMPLETE! Nine months after Phil decided to leave Sun Hill he's been called back there, he still loves Sam but does Sam love him? Can she give everything up for him? Even the small and new things? SPS
1. Joseph Luke Nixon

**Hey ... ok well since it was so mean of me to keep Sam with Stuart I'm writing the sequel sooner rather than later ... don't worry don't wory i actually do have a plot and i've had the plot since like halfway through unfaithful so please read and review or you never know I might do something you'll regret mwuahahahahaha.**

**Summary: Nine months after Phil decided to leave Sun Hill he's been called back there, he still loves Sam but does Sam love him? Can she give everything up for him? Even the small and new things?**

**Fool To Believe**

Phil Hunter stepped out of his car and straight into a puddle, he swore. The weather they were having was so unpredictable it was like Aril not August. He was back working for DCI Meadows at Sun Hill nick and help but feel reluctant. He'd left eight months and three weeks ago because he couldn't take Sam staying with Stuart. He _knew_ she loved him still, they both felt it but she still left for Stuart. It took him a while but he finally understood why, he knew she was still with him mainly out of guilt. He went up to the DCI's room where he was welcomed warmly.

"Want a guided tour?" The DCI joked.

"I think I'll manage." Phil walked out and went down to CID, he buzzed himself in with the new activation code the DCI had given him. Jo Masters looked up from her desk.

He walked over and extended a hand. "Hi, I'm new now usually I would hit on you but you have this lesbian aura around you am I right?"

Jo gave him a sarcastic smile. "So funny."

"So where's Mr Nasty?" Phil asked.

"You talking about Neil?" Jo asked.

"Think so." Phil grinned.

"He left, he got a DCI position with MIT." Jo explained.

"Ooooooo who's the replacement. Anyone I'd know?" Jo's expression told him everything. "Sam?"

"Yeah but she's ummm well she's not here."

"What d'you mean she's not here?" Phil asked, he looked round and saw Stuart wasn't aroudn either. "And where's Stu too?"

"She's gone into labour Phil, we got a phonecall about half an hour ago. Stu rushed off to be with her."

Phil grabbed a chair and sat down before he collapsed. "If ... if she's nine months gone then it could be ... it could ..."

"Yeah." Jo agreed.

"Has she done a test?" Phil asked.

Jo shook her head, to begin with she was in denial that it was yours. She finally told Stuart who was delighted, presumably because it meant at no point she'd go back to you but she's raising her child with him."

"So if the baby's mine then I can't even see them, great a third child that I don't get to know very well." He put his head in his hands.

"She still loves you yano."

Phil opened his mouth to reply when DC Mickey Webb walked in and their conversation was cut short.

"Hey sarge welcome back!" Mickey beamed with his boyish charm.

Phil put his smile on. "Thank's Mickey."

* * *

Sam screamed in agony and pushed with all her might, Stuart was clinging on to her hand as she cried from how much pain she was in.

"Come on babe you're doing great. One more push." Stuart soothed, Sam almost collapsed with relief as wailing filled the room. The midwife wrapped the newborn up and handed him to Sam.

"Congratulations you have a healthy baby boy."

Sam sat cradling him in her arms, he was beautiful with green eyes, blonde hair and was so tiny. One thing that was drifting through Sam's mind was: 'Does he look like Stuart?'

The midwife smiled. "Have you thought of names yet?"

Sam smiled. "Yes, Joseph ... Joseph Luke Nixon."


	2. Two daddies

Stuart had decided to go back to work and left Sam to rest, baby Joseph was lowered into a cot and kept beside Sam's bed. He slept and Sam looked down on him with a smile, the exhaustion of the past couple of painful hours caught up with her and she fell asleep.

* * *

Phil had drove to St. Hugh's hospital and was glad to see Stuart leaving the hospital, presumably going back to work. Phil parked and went up into the hospital, he asked for Samantha Nixon and lied that he was her brother. A nurse pointed him in the right direction and he was on the maternity ward within a couple of minutes. He passed women sat up talking to their partners, some women were on their own reading magazines. He caught the eye of a proud father who held a little baby girl in his arms, the dad beamed at him and Phil guessed it was his first time. He walked past a small women with blonde hair laying in bed, sleeping but notice at the bottom of the bed was the name 'Nixon'. He stopped and walked back to where she was, he watched her sleeping and memories of how he used to watch her sleeping in his arms filled his head. Seeing her again, brought back all the love, all the pain, all the sadness, all the happiness. With one look he wanted to laugh, cry, shout, beam.

He slowly edged his way closer to the baby in the cot, the baby was dressed in a babygrow that Sam had probably bought. It was yellow and had ducks on the front. He looked at the tiny wrist and read the band.

"Hello Joseph." he said quietly. "I don't know if your mummy ever talked about me while you were in her tummy but I might be your daddy, but that may confuse you so it's good you probably don't understand me."

Joseph started wriggling so Phil gently picked him up and cradled him in his arms, Sam's eyes fluttered open and she saw Phil gently handling Joseph. She felt like crying, he was such a natural. Stuart had held Stuart and had no idea how to handle him, there was a side to Phil that only ever came out when he was with his children.

Phil looked up and caught Sam's eye. "Oh, sorry he was getting restless and I didn't want him to wake you."

"It's ok." She said. She held out her arms and Phil slid Joseph into her arms.

"He's ... he's gorgeous. You and Stuart should be proud."

"We are, I am. Thank you." She said and they fell into an uncomfortable silence. The midwife walked over.

"hello." She smiled. "We going to check if the baby wants to feed?"

"Oh sure." Sam said glad to have something to take her mind of Phil standing there. Phil looked away as Sam fed Joseph but from the corner of his eye he kept catching glimpses. The midwife walked away and Phil couldn't help but watch.

"God that baby's going to town." Phil commented.

Sam looked up at him with a disgusted expression. "Phil!"

"Well honestly it seems to be making porn." Phil sniggered.

"Will you shut up! That's my baby and breast you're talking about!"

"Sorry." He apologised. "Maybe I should go."

"No don't!" She said a little too quickly. "I mean, you can stay if you want but it's up to you."

"Well I have to get back to work, it's only my first day and all. I'll see you sometime." He told her, he stroked Joseph's head. "See ya chump." Then kissed Sam's cheek. "Bye."

Sam watched him go, she knew he was uncomfortable with this new situation. She was too, neither of them knew how to deal with it but Sam knew she had to take a paternity test which was quite unnerving. What would people think? She looked down at Joseph.

"It may even be better if mummy and baby Joseph just take off eh? Who needs a daddy? Well Abi did in the end didn't she? Even if he was around for about a week and that was it? Don't worry darling, you and I will do fine. With our without a daddy." She whispered softly to her little boy.


	3. Strange Messages

Sam and Joseph both slept for most of the day, at six Stuart turned up. He kissed Sam and held Joseph in his arms. Sam knew there was a difference when Phil held him, Phil was really a natural, Stuart didn't have a clue. He stayed for about an hour then left, Sam lay in the bed whena nurse came over to wheel Joseph away. Sam sadly watched him go and felt lonely, even in a relationship she felt lonely. She wondered what Phil was doing? Was he alone? Was he thinking about her? Was he with someone else now? She wouldn't blame him if he was. 

Sam was allowed to get out of bed so she did so, she walked out of the hospital in her pyjamas and dressing gown, she sat on her bench holding her phone and dialled Phil's home number. He wasn't in so she left a message but halfway through she lost her words and just hung up.

* * *

Phil got in from work to see his answer machine flashing. It meant he had a message. He pressed the play button and listened to the message.

"Hi Phil, it's Sam I just called to say ... I don't know why I called really. I felt lonely but, oh shit, what am I talking about you must be more lonely than me you don't have a family. Forget, talk to you another time."

'End of messages'

Phil listened to the message angain and wondered if her message was like that because it was the thoughts in her head, she was confused and troubled. It seemed that way but what did he know? She was the analyser.

* * *

The phone rang once, rang twice, rang three times before DC Mickey Webb grabbed the phone.

"Hello Sun Hill CID, DC Webb speaking."

"Hi Mickey is Stuart there?" Sam asked, it was the next day and she was allowed to go home with Joseph.

"No, he's on an obbo at the moment." Mickey told her, he could hear her sigh.

"Ok, never mind."

"What's wrong Sam?" he asked, she was outside of work so he didn't have to call her guv.

"I was just hoping he could come and pick me up from hospital but it's ok, I can walk." Sam decided.

"Are you kidding? You've just been discharged from hospital and have a newborn baby, it may be cold. I'll get someone to pick you up." A voice spoke in the background. "Phil's here he said he'll pick you up in ten minutes."

"Ok." sam said, they exchanged goodbyes and congratulations before hanging up. Sam as a little glad Phil cared enought o come pick her up but was also scared of what he'd say about the message the night before.

She waited outside holding Joseph in her arms and still worrying about what Phil would say when Phil's car pulled up, well now she'd know what he was going to say ...


	4. Dirty Little Secret

Sam carried the baby carrier towards Phil's car, he got out and opened the back car door for her, she gently put the seat in and sorted the seatbelt out so it held her precious bundle safely. She then got in the car after Phil opened the door for her, he jogged round and got in himself. They sat in silence for a few minutes while Phil drove and Sam kept looking back at Joseph unbelieving that he was really hers. The car stopped and Sam looked ahead to see they were sat in traffic. 

"What was with that message?" Phil asked.

Sam shut her eyes not knowing what she should say. "I don't exactly know what that was about, I don't know if it was spur of the moment or what. I must have sounded drunk, I assure you I wasn't."

"I know, you wouldn't have been able since you were at a hospital." Phil laughed.

Sam cringed at her mistake and then also laughed. Sam started to feel herself relaxing in Phil's pressence, the traffic started moving along and they talked about the good old days, like the _really_ old days. With Eva and Debbie and Ken and Rob and ... when Sam and Phil hated each other.

* * *

They pulled up outside Sam and Stuart's house and Sam got herself and her baby out. "D'you want to come in for a coffee as thanks?" 

"Sure." Phil said, he sorted himself while Sam unlocked her front door and then waited for him. He came up smiling, she smiled back at him and it was one of them secret smiles that they only harboured for each other. Phil remember the fancy dress night, the night before they broke up, when "Secret Smile" had been playing and they really had shared a secret smile.

"I'd better put him down for a nap, you want to coem and see his room?" Sam asked as he shut the door for her and she put the carrier on the floor taking Joseph out of it.

"Sure." She carried him in her arms up the stairs and Phil followed, he felt like for once he fitted in, even if he didn't really fit in. They walked into the baby's room and Phil stepped in, from just the first glance he knew how much Sam was going to care for Joseph. A wardrobe door was slid open and there was clothes packed in, some for now, some for later when he grew, there was a wooden cot by the window. The room was decorated light yellow on the top with light blue at the bottom and a border seperating the two colours of green and jungle animals. The carpet was blue and there was a mixture of toys around the room. Sam placed Joseph in the cot and pulled a small blanket over him just to keep him warm. She stroked the side of her baby's face then kissed his forehead, Phil stood back with a small smile at all the care she was giving him.

They went back downstairs and Sam started the coffee.

"You really give him a lot of care." Phil commented.

Sam smiled. "I'm determined not to screw another kid up."

"You didn't screw Abi up, but yea I understand that you're trying hard." Phil told her.

"Thank you." She gave the coffee to him and they sat chatting for a while.

Phil took a breath preparing himself. "Who's the father?"

"Pardon?" sam asked.

"You heard me Sam." He said calmly.

"I know, and you know obviously." Sam replied then sighed. "I don't know who the father is, we'd have to do a perternity test which can take weeks, or me and Stuart's just raise him, or I leave Stuart and raise him with you or I leave you both."

Phil put his head in his hands. "I don't want to lose you."

Sam got up and walked over to stare out the window, looking at him was too painful.

"Do you love him?"

"Of course, he's my little boy!"

"I meant Stuart." Phil corrected.

"Oh ... I really don't know." She admitted, there was a long pause before she also admitted. "I miss you."

Phil was taken aback and was surprised, but it was actually a happy feeling. He walked over to her and turned her to face him.

"I miss you too, I love you."

He wiped away the tears thta had began to fall with his thumb and wrapped his arms aroudn her waist, he lent in and kissed her softly. The kiss deepended and became more passionate when the front door slammed shut. Sam and Phil sprung apart seconds before Stuart walked in.

"Sam ... what are you doing here?"

"He picked me up from the hospital because you weren't able to come." Sam replied.

"Oh, well it's alright now Phil. You can leave." Stuart said rudely.

"See ya Sam." Phil said, walking past Stuart.

"Where's my boy?!" Stuart asked excitedly.

"He's sleeping you should leave him to it."

"Oh." he walked over to her and hugged her, Phil looked behind him at the two together.

She moved her hand that was round Stuart and secretly waved at Phil and mouthed "bye".

_I'll keep you my dirty little secret_

_(Dirty little secret)_

_Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret_

_(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)_

_My dirty little secret  
_

_Who has to know_

_The way she feels inside (inside)_

_Those thoughts I can't deny (deny)_

_These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie)_

_And now I try to lie_

_It's eating me apart_

_Trace this life out_

- Dirty Little Secret - The All-American Rejects -


	5. Secret Rendezvous

The next day Stuart left for work, he left Sam sleeping peacefully. Everything would be fine now, it was just him, her and baby Joseph, Sam had no room for the likes of Phil Hunter anymore. He smiled, locking his car. He had one over Phil, no two over Phil.

* * *

Sam woke up at half ten, she was surprised how much she'd slept in and guessed Stuart had left for work. She sat up and grabbed her mobile then punched in Phil's number and a message, she hoped it was the same number as he'd had before.

_'R u working 2day? S x'_

She waited six minutes before a her phone beeped.

_'Naa, not till l8r. P x'_

_'K, can u meet me park bout 11:30? S x'_

_'Sure thing babe'_

Sam smiled, as if on cue Joseph started crying and the noise floated through to her room. Sam scrambled out of bed and ran towards Joseph's room. She picked her little boy up and jiggled him into a comfortable position. Joseph could barely open his eyes at this stage, Sam kissed his soft head.

"We're going to see Phil today, eh gorgeous? You stay here while I get ready then I'll sort you out." She said placing the now settled baby back into the cot.

* * *

At about half eleven Phil wlaked through canely park looking for Sam, he finally found her sitting on a swing at the children's playpark singing back and forwards slightly with a pram in front of her. He walked over.

"Hey." He greeted.

Sam jumped then regained herself, she stood up and they kissed. "Hi."

"What's up? Why did you want to meet me?" Phil asked.

"I just needed to see you, we need to talk. Sort everything out." Sam said, Phil hugged her.

"I know we do, but Sam answer honestly. Is this baby mine or not?" Phil asked.

"Seriously, I don't know. I'm sorry but I've been with Stuart longer, but you and I were much more careless. This is such a mess Phil." She said beginning to cry softly.

"Hey, don't cry." He said wiping her tears away. "It's going to be fine. We'll be fine."

"There is a paternity test we can do but it may take a while for the results to come through, I'll need DNA from both you and possibly Stuart but maybe not. Yano, like when you did the paternity test for Alfie. They'll probably need DNA from you, I and Joseph. If we're a match then he's ours but if not ..." sam started crying again. "Sorry but what if he isn't yours? Are you going to leave?"

Phil sighed. "Really I don't know, I mean it'll be hard but who knows? He may be mine so we're just gonna have to do the test and hope for the best. The best is with me right?" Phil asked.

Sam nodded. "I love you, I don't love Stuart."


	6. Results

"Ok, well I'll take Joseph back home and put him down for a nap. A Hospital is no place for a child really, well not where you're going at least." Sam said, sniffing. She let out a huge sigh, she hoped Joseph was Phil's, he was everything she wanted and needed but it would mean hurting Stuart. She didn't really want to hurt him but she guessed this was the way to go, right? 

"Yea, look babe everything will be fine I can feel it." Phil assured her, he gave her a long kiss. They broke away and shared a smile before going off in their own directions.

* * *

Phil could feel his nerves building up as he walked into the hospital. He wished Joseph was his. After Alfie and Maddison he wanted a child that he could actually be with as they grew up. One with Sam would just be what he wanted even more, Sam was an amazing woman and Joseph was an equally amazing child. Phil had this big part of him telling him that Joseph _was_ his;

Just look at the kid, he looks more like you than Stu.

But then another part of him stopped his from trusting the big part;

Don't get ya hopes up, it could still be Stu's but take after Sam alot.

He had promised himself that he wouldn't fall in love with the child or with Sam just in case the news turned out for the worst but he was already falling in love with them both. It was hard not to.

* * *

Sam sat on a chair with her foot on the leg of the moses basket Joseph was whimpering in. She was rocking it gently trying to get him to sleep and calm down. Half an hour ago he'd started screaming but she'd managed to get him down to just whimpering. The noises slowed then stopped, Sam checked him and he was finally asleep. She smiled, relieved. She went to make a cup of tea, leaving him in the living room and for the first time since getting home allowed herself to wonder what Phil was up to. How long would the results take? Last time when he had to take tests to see if Alfie was his it took possibly a couple of hours. She couldn't remember exactly.

She went back into the living room with her tea and sat on the sofa watching her baby.

"Please let him be Phil's, please." Sam whispered.

* * *

Phil hadn't managed to contact Sam because by the time he got back from the hospital Stuart was there. But the next afternoon he was sorting through paperwork that he already had when DC Jo Masters walked into CID.

"Sarge, front desk guy forgot to give you this, this morning." Jo said handing him an envelope. He read the formal address, and the stamp that showed it was from the hospital. He tore it open and pulled the sheet of paper out ...

**(seems like an eastenders theme tune moment hehe) well gonna leave it there and be cruel :D review or else who knows what I'll do?!**


	7. Positive or Negative?

**I'm not gonna drag on the suspense because I wanta write hehe and also I already have six reviews so why not write more?**

Phil got out of his chair trying to act normal as he put the letter back into the envelope and pocketed it, he then claimed that he had to speak to a snout and went off.

* * *

Sam had just finished using the breast pump for the first time. She didn't like the contraption very much, it felt strange but at least it meant she could make sure Joseph actually was feeding and he was having his mother's milk and not cows milk. Today wasn't one of her best days, she was tired, had dark rings under her eyes, hardly any make up, except leftovers from the previous day and was still in her pyjama's. There was a knock at the door and she groaned, picked Joseph up and went to answer. Phil stood in front of her.

"You alright, sorry but you look dreadful." Phil commented.

"Nice to see you too." She said letting him in and yawning. "Joseph wasn't feeling very well and kept waking up, screaming. Stuart just stayed sleeping so I had to get up every time. But it's actually better that he didn't wake otherwise he'd be complaining about he'd be tired at work."

"I must say, Stuart doesn't sound like a very good father." Phil said.

"I don't think he's cut out for this." Sam told him. "Anyway, what's wrong? Did you get the results?"

Phil nodded.

"And?" Sam asked.

"I'm really sorry Sam." He said sadly. "It looks like you have to put up with me from now on!"

"Phil!" Sam shouted. "I want to hug and slap you!"

"Kiss me instead." He grinned, she leant up and kissed him passionately. "Look, if you don't mind can I tell Stuart without you and then just leave him for a couple of days so he can move his stuff out and stay with you?"

"Of course! You and Joseph can come and stay for as long as you need." Phil told her.

"Well I was wondering maybe we should become a proper family, as in we move in together."

"babe, my flat ain't really big." Phil said. "I'm sorry."

"No, Phil!" She laughed. "You move in here. We already have Joseph's room, the bedroom, Abi's room."

"I thought she moved up north?" Phil asked.

"Yea but that's for when she comes down." Sam told him.

"Ah, yea course." Phil looked at his watched. "Look I better go, if you need me when you tell Stuart then just ring ok?"

"Ok, thank you Phil." She kissed him once more before he left.

* * *

Half an hour after Phil left Sam was in the kitchen washing up when she felt a wave of nausea, she quickly moved the washing up bowl out of the way and was sick down the sink. She kept hold of the sink as she was sick again and again. She stopped and stumbled over to get a glass, she took it back to the sink and got a glass of water. She shivered, taking small sips. She out the glass on the side before she dropped it and pulled herself.

She put it down to nerves, who wouldn't be nervous when telling their boyfriend that the man who they'd previously had an affair with was actually their new child's father and you wanted to get back with him because you loved him and not the boyfriend.

She went and picked up Joseph, hugging him to her chest. He'd been asleep most of the day, since the previous night he'd tired himself out with all the screaming. She stroked the side of her babies face.

"I love you Joseph, and so does you're true daddy. Neither of us are going to let any harm ever come to you." She whispered. "I promise."

Joseph moved in his sleep and Sam took that like he heard and understood. She smiled down at him and kissed his head. His soft hair tickling her face. She didn't hear the door open and Stuart come in.

"Evening gorgeous." he said happily.

Sam smiled at him but then felt guilty, he was in such a good mood but she was going to break his heart, dreams and smash up his world.

"Hello, little Joe." He said softly. Sam hated it when Stuart called him 'Joe' but just then he said it so softly and with so much care. She just wished either he was always like it or Phil was around. Because when Phil was there it was easier, but when he was gone she didn't know what she was fighting for.

She took a deep breath, a deep steadying breath. "I'm sorry Stuart."

"For what ?" Stuart asked.

"I'm leaving you." She whispered, tears forming in her green eyes.


	8. It Ends Tonight

_Your subtleties  
They strangle me  
I can't explain myself at all  
And all that wants  
And all that needs  
All I don't want to need at all._

"Sam, come on don't do this to me babe." Stuart begged.

"Living with you is a lie. I don't love you." Sam said.

"This is since Hunter showed up again. What you expect him to give up everything and want you back after you left him. Don't kid yourself either, we both know you had that affair." Stuart replied.

"Then why did you ever say anything? Shout? Talk? Anything?" Sam asked.

"Because I thought you'd leave me if we talked about it." Stuart said. "You stayed out of guilt not love."

_The walls start breathing  
My minds unweaving  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted On this evening  
I give the final blow._

"Well you can't expect me to stay then." Sam said.

"What about Joseph, that should be a reason to stay." Stuart replied desperately.

Sam didn't want to tell him the truth, she didn't want to hurt him more. "No it isn't."

"How isn't it? You can't take my kid away from me." Stuart shook his head.

"Why d'you care. When he cries at night you do _nothing_, you can't look after him. You don't know how." Sam shot back.

"You can't take him! I won't let you!" Stuart shouted.

"Fine, you want to know the truth? He's _not _yours! _Phil_ is Joseph's dad. And I have to say I'm _glad_!" She retorted.

_When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight._

Stuart felt like his world was falling down, he'd had a girlfriend, a son, a good job, a _family_. Now he had nothing.

Sam went to put Joseph up to sleep as he was nodding off in her arms. When she returned Stuart was sat in the living room, staring at the wall.

"Did it feel good?" Stuart asked, not moving his eyes from the wall.

"Did what feel good?" Sam asked.

"Being with Phil, going behind my back." Stuart said.

"Oh don't do this, it's pathetic."

_A falling star  
Least I fall alone.  
I can't explain what you can't explain  
You're finding things that you didn't know  
I look at you with such disdain._

"No, I want to know." He said.

"Fine, I felt terrible but only because I had to keep coming back to you. I'm happier knowing it's out because the guilt was eating away at me and I hated it. But now I can be happy. Because frankly Phil is everything you're not and more." Sam said. "Is that what you want to know?"

"When did it start?" Stuart asked.

"The day Phil went to see Alfie, we kissed but I ran off. The next day we actually started a relationship."

"Affair you mean!" Stuart snapped. "When did it start again?"

"When Phil drove me home from the hospital." Sam said. "We haven't slept together again if that's you're next question."

"Is he better than me? Do things that I didn't?" Stuart asked.

"Yes he was better and did things differently. He actually cared about me. If we both wanted it gentle it was gentle if we wanted it rough it was rough. Ok?"

_The walls start breathing  
My minds unweaving  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted  
On this evening  
I give the final blow._

"Did you ever love me?" Stuart asked.

Sam felt the tears forming, she was hoping he wouldn't ask. "Yes, I still do."

"Then don't leave me." Stuart begged he got up and walked over to her. "I love you still." He lent forward and kissed her. She pushed him off.

"I love Phil more though, I think even you know that."

"What can I do to make you love me like you love him?" Stuart asked.

"Nothing, what Phil and I have is something special. And if we don't finally fall in make a go of things it'll kill us both." Sam said wiping the tears that fallen.

_When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight will make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight._

"I'll pick my stuff up another day." Stuart said standing up.

"Where will you go?" Sam asked.

"Back to my old flat. I'm so glad it didn't sell now." Stuart said through gritted teeth, he grabbed his coat and left, slamming the door.

Sam broke down crying, this was what she wanted but it had been so hard. She felt sorry for him, losing a family and home in one day.

Now I'm on my side It's better than being on you're side It's my fault when you're blind It's better that I see it through your eyes.

Stuart made a stop off on the way home. He walked through the familiar corridors up to DCI Jack Meadows office.

"Stuart, what can I do you for?" Jack asked.

"Just thought you'd like to know what your officers have been up to …"

* * *

Sam opened her front door and fell into Phil's arms crying. "I've done it, he's gone back to his flat. He'll come get his stuff another day." 

Phil stroked her hair, he knew how much this could affect her. Especially since the pregnancy wasn't that long ago.

_All these thoughts locked inside  
Now you're the first to know._

Jack sighed. "Stuart, I already know. I can't them in the DI's office when it was Neil's but I didn't know the little boy was Phil's."

"You knew!" Stuart exploded. "And you didn't bother to share that!"

"What can I say?" Jack asked. "Well now it isn't an affair so I can't really do anything."

"You're a soft, old …"

"Oi! I'm still your boss, as is Sam now so you'd better bad mouth her _or_ Phil." Jack shouted. He definitely preferred Phil and Sam. Although he would be a little weary and keep an eye on Phil, especially with his track record.

Stuart got up in a mood and stormed out of the office, and the station.

_When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight will make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight._

_When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight will make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight._

_Tonight, tonight.  
Insight.  
When darkness turns to night,  
It ends tonight.  
_**- It Ends** **Tonight by The All-American Rejects - **


	9. Severe Migraine?

Sam opened her eyes, it was still dark. She sat up and looked down at the man laying beside her. Instead of feeling empty and lost, she felt warm and loved. She was so glad that her and Phil were able to be together without the secrecy. For moment she forgot why she'd suddenly woken up until the sharp pain shot across her forehead once more. She got out of the warm bed and stumbled down to the kitchen, feeling dizzy. She got some paracetemol and took a couple before sitting down and waiting for the pain to pass. 

"What's wrong?" Came Phil's gentle and concerned voice from the door.

"Just a headache." Sam said, head in hands. Trying to press the pain until it went. Phil took her hands in his own.

"Have you taken anything?" Phil asked.

"A couple painkillers but they don't seem to be working." Sam said.

"It sounds like you have a severe migraine."

"What can you do doc?" Sam said with a smile.

"All you're suppose to do is sleep and rest." Phil said. "C'mon I'll look after ya."

She smiled weakly. "Thank you."

He put and arm around her and they went back up to bed, Phil wrapped his arms around Sam and kissed her cheek before they both fell asleep again.

* * *

The next morning Phil left without waking either Joseph or Samantha. Sam woke up later that day at half ten and went to check on Joseph who was sucking on his little fingers and wriggling around.

She picked him up and kissed him, he sucked on her bottom lip. He reminded her of Abi who did that when she was a baby. Sam's head started to have a dull ache so she went downstairs and made an appointment over the phone for later that day. Sam sat down and used the 'cow machine' before feeding Joseph. She sorted them both out and then waited around, praying the dull ache wouldn't get worse before she saw the doctor.

* * *

Sam pushed Joseph's pram into the hospital, she looked around at all the people. She felt uneasy being there, especially when people saw the baby and they looked at how old she was. She heard the doctor call her name and went into his room, keeping Joseph by her side and out of the way.

"Hello Ms Nixon, what seems to be the problem?" Sam's doctor, Hilary, asked.

"Well yesterday I was sick and then early this morning I got a severe headache. My … partner … thought it may have been a migraine but we weren't sure so I made the appointment." Sam explained.

"Do you suffer from migraine's?" Hilary asked.

"No, this was the first." Sam said.

"Ok, do you think someone could come and pick up your child? it's just I would like to keep you in to run tests."

"Err, do you mind if I went home with him first then came back?" Sam asked.

"Sure, whatever's best for you." Hilary agreed.

"Ok, thank you." Sam said, getting up and leaving. She knew she shouldn't but she was starting to worry now, why did they want her for tests?

* * *

Sam returned home and packed a bag of stuff she then packed up some stuff for Joseph and made a couple of bottles of milk for her. She then rang Phil.

"Hello, Phil Hunter."

"Phil it's Sam. I've been to the hospital and they want me to stay in overnight. I can take Joseph to my mum's for today then you pick him up for tonight then drop him off and I'll pick him up after leaving the hospital." Sam offered.

"You think she won't mind?" Phil asked.

"No, she'll understand." Sam said.

"Ok, well I'll come and visit you later then babe."

"Right, bye."

Sam picked up her stuff and Joseph's bag with nappies, bottles of milk, change of clothes and a few toys. She took them out to her car then ran back into the house before Joseph hurt himself, she put him in the mosses basket and put him on the passenger side. She got in herself and dove to her mother's house.

* * *

"Ok darling, ring me later or tomorrow and tell me what's going on." Sam's mum, Elaine, said.

"See ya mum." Sam said, going back towards the car and looking back at her little boy. She felt strange leaving him, but then she knew that she had to get into practise since her maternity leave wouldn't last forever.


	10. Hospital Visit

Phil pushed Joseph's pram into St. Hugh's hospital. He walked over to the reception. "Hello, can you tell me what ward Miss Samantha Nixon is on please?" He asked the pretty receptionist politely. 

She tapped away at her computer then turned back to him. "She's on ward D, if you go down the corridor and take the elevator up to level three then follow the signs you shouldn't go wrong." She replied kindly.

"Thank you." Phil said pushing Joseph away. Joseph starting getting restless, hinting that he was soon to wake up which wasn't surprising as he'd slept for most the day. Phil just hoped he went to sleep that night fine. Phil just caught the elevator and got in. A young male nurse was stood reading a book and there was also a heavily pregnant woman standing in the corner. She looked down at Joseph and smiled.

"Oh he's adorable." She commented.

"Is this going to be your first?" Phil asked, nodding his head at her bump.

"Yep, my husband and I are very excited." She said, showing the excitement on her face.

"Well good luck with it, I hope he or she brings you all the happiness in the world." Phil said, the realised how soppy it was.

"Oh thank you, I hope this little one brings happiness to you too." The woman smiled. The elevator halted and the doors slid open to reveal maternity ward. The woman walked out after saying goodbye to Phil. Phil went up another floor and then he plus the male nurse got out. Phil followed the sign as instructed and came to D ward. He walked down, peering through the windows of the rooms. They were all single rooms which he thought was slightly odd. He went passed the fifth room then backtracked and opened the door. Sam was sat up in bed looking drowsy.

"Hey." She said, managing a sleepy smile.

"Hiya, how are you feeling?" Phil asked.

"Alright, tired though. I've been injected so many times and they've taken so many tests." Sam said before yawning widely.

"Well it's only to check that this headache isn't anything serious." Phil said.

"Hmm." Sam mumbled in agreement. "Where's my little boy then?"

Phil took Joseph out of the pram and gave him to Sam. She hugged him tight and he blinked a few times up at her.

"I think he's beginning to focus on you." Phil said.

"Yeah, he does seem to be recognising me as mummy." She replied then gave him a little kiss. "Can you see me? Can you? Can you see mummy now?"

Phil smiled and sat on the visitors chair beside Sam's bed. "Have you had anything to eat?" Phil asked.

"No, they brought the food round but it looked disgusting." Sam replied.

"D'you want something?" Phil asked. "I can go get something from the food place." Phil offered.

"You don't have to do that." Sam said.

"No it's alright, I'll leave Joseph here with you and go get something. You want anything imparticular?" Phil asked.

"Just get me something you think I'll like." Sam said.

"Ok, see ya soon babe." He gave her a kiss then left.

* * *

Phil went down to the hospital café, he looked at all the stuff and wondered what she'd like. He got her a jacket potato, bottle of coke and polystyrene cup of coffee in case she wanted a coffee now and the coke later. Buying himself a cheese sandwich and bottle of coke he took them all back up to Sam's ward room.

* * *

By the time Phil got back, Joseph was wriggling on Sam's tummy and Sam had drifted off to sleep accidentally. Phil took Joseph. "We don't want you to have an accident."

He placed the food and drink on the table that was over Sam's bed, he went to sit down and bashed the chair against the be accidentally. Sam jolted and woke up.

"What happened?" She asked, still half asleep.

"Sorry, my chair hit the bed." Phil apologised. "I got you something to eat and drink though if you want it now."

"Yeah, I'll eat that now." Sam said, sitting up and pulling the wheelie table towards her. She started eating with the plastic knife and fork, Phil got his sandwich out and ate that. Sam drank the coffee, intending to save the coke for another time.

Phil sat with her until visiting times were over before giving her a kiss and leaving. Sam fell asleep instantly.

* * *

Phil dropped Joseph off at Elaine's the next morning, before he left he had just enough time for a coffee. Elaine spoke to him and they chatted about the new situation about the father. She even showed Phil a picture.

"Who d'you think that is?" Elaine asked.

Phil looked at it. "Abi?"

"No." Elaine laughed. "That's Sam when she was fifteen."

"Oh, god she looks like Abi. Oh I should have known though because the quality of the picture." Phil said.

"Yeah." Elaine agreed.

Phil looked at his watch. "Oh I'd better go, thanks for doing this. I'll see you another time." Phil gave Joseph a kiss then left.

* * *

At half past one that afternoon there was a knock at Elaine's front door. She went to answer and Sam stood there with a smile on her face. It looked too forced though, and it was obvious from her red eyes that she'd been crying.

"Sam honey what's wrong?" Elaine asked letting her daughter in.

"It's nothing." Sam lied before bursting into fresh tears, reliving the old patterns.

"Come on, we'll have a coffee and you can tell me everything." Elaine said, walking through to the kitchen.


	11. Box

Stuart saw Phil at his desk in CID, he was still bitter. He walked over to Phil. "Your girlfriend in today or is she still going to be out like yesterday?" 

Phil looked at his watch, not really bothered about Stuart. He was constantly thinking about Sam and wondering if she was ok. "Half two, yeah Sam'll be home."

"So you're not worried then?" Stuart asked.

"Eh?" Phil thought he was referring to the sudden headache Sam had but thought Stuart wouldn't of known about it.

"Her, being out during the day. You don't think that she's off with another man? Maybe Zain, or possibly Mickey he's apparently got flu, maybe she's gone from younger men to older and is bouncing on Jack in your bed. With baby Joseph in the next room." Stuart sneered.

"What are you trying to say?" Phil asked, standing up and clenching both his fists.

"If she can cheat with you, she can cheat on you." Stuart replied, his own fists tightening together.

Phil decided for once that he would let it all go. He wouldn't retaliate. Retaliation was what Stuart wanted. "You don't get it do you? I'm not like you, she never loved you. But she did, she does love me. Even when I was gone she still loved me, that's why she kept the baby. And you know it. There's always been picture of Sam and I in her house, and there's what? One or two pictures of you?" Phil asked. "Face it, I mean more to her than you do."

Stuart glared at him before Phil sat down, pleased that he had shut him up and not beat the shit out of him. Stuart grabbed his disgusting jacket and walked out.

* * *

Sam had packed most of Stuart's stuff into boxes. At least that way she knew he was only taking his own stuff, plus she wanted something to occupy her mind. She heard Joseph gurgling in his nursery, she went through and picked him up.

"Hello gorgeous, you gonna give mummy a kiss? Not that you really have a choice eh?" She said cracking a proper smile, she kissed him making a loud 'mwah' noise. She took him into the bathroom and ran warm, soapy water. She sat Joseph up against the side and washed him gently. Joseph splashed around merrily, Sam remembered how Abi used to scream when she was in the water. She absolutely hated it.

When he was clean, she pulled him out and rubbed him gently with a towel. She put a baby grow on him into her bedroom. Placing him on the bed, he wriggled around. She gave him a little blue zebra which he waved around and sucked on the tail. Sam was too busy giving Joseph attention that she didn't hear the front door open and close.

Stuart stood in the doorway watching her playing with Joseph until she looked up and saw him.

"I've already started with your stuff." Sam said.

"So I see." He muttered, referring to the full boxes on the landing. He picked up the half full box and started filling it with his stuff from the bedroom.

"How are you?" Sam asked, concerned about whether he was taking care of himself.

"What's this? Sudden change of heart or something?"

"No, I was just checking." Sam said. "I do still care about you, even if I am with Phil now."

Stuart shrugged. "Whatever."

He carried on packing his stuff up. "So, everything with Phil like you expected it to be?"

"Pretty much." Sam replied.

"Cheated on you yet?" Stuart asked.

"No."

"Cheated on him yet?" Stuart asked.

"No."

There was silence as he carried on filling his box up, but the questions were burning inside him. And as he kept all the questions inside the anger was burning inside him. He slammed the box down.

"So was he better than me?!"

Sam looked from the box on the floor with his scattered belongings to him. Joseph started to cry from the loud noises and she pulled him closer to her.

"Well?!"

"He … he was … was different." Sam stuttered.

"How?" Stuart asked shouting. "Better? Worse? How?!"

She placed Joseph down with as much gentleness as she could before standing. "Yes he was better! Better than you! He made me want him more and scream his name! With you I couldn't wait to get out of the bed but with him it was hard to leave his bed! Especially when I had to come back here to you. This what you want to hear?!" Sam screamed at him.

"Did you try everything with him? Do whatever he asked?"

"Yes!"

"Did he ever hurt you?"

"No!"

Sam started recollecting Stuart's belongings and throwing them into the box again. He head was beginning to spin, it was hurting as he kept firing questions at her. "Did you sleep in this bed? Our bed?"

"Now; yes. Back then; no, I don't think so." Sam said, rubbing her head. Pain shooting through it.

"What's wrong now Sam? All this stress catching up with you?!" Stuart asked nastily.

"Yes! It probably is. You know karma."

"Karma? Why is it karma eh? You regretting leaving me now? Think you should have stayed with me now?"

"No." Sam said, her voice filled with pain.

"What then? What is it?" he shouted.

"It's a tumour!" San screamed then began sobbing. "I have cancer. I found out today."

Stuart was shocked and surprisingly upset. He softened. "Can it cause you to die?"

"I really don't know."


	12. News For Phil

Sam stumbled, Stuart held her up. "Does Phil know?" 

"Not yet, I only found out today. So far only you and my mum know." Sam said.

"Are you going to tell him?" Stuart asked.

"Hopefully, if I don't bottle it." She replied. She started to cry. "This is my punishment isn't it for hurting you?"

"No, no Sam of course not." He assured her, hugging her. She wiped her tears away and sniffed. Sam sat on the edge of the bed, she began watching Joseph slipping into her own world or thinking. Stuart carried on collecting all his stuff. When he was done and he had all his stuff he started taking boxes out to his car. He came back upstairs for his final box and Sam was awake to the world again, she held an old grey teddy to him. It was one Stuart had gotten when he was born and kept for when he had kids. He knew Joseph wasn't actually his but he didn't mind.

"Naa, he can keep it." Stuart said kindly.

"Thank you." She said in a whisper and kissed his cheek. He gave her a smile and Joseph a final wave before leaving, walking down the stairs the front door opened and Phil walked.

"Oh hi." Phil said awkwardly.

"See you later mate." Stuart said before brushing past him and leaving.

Confused Phil walked up the stairs to where Sam was in the bedroom. "Hey babe. You'll never guess what. Stuart just called me mate."

"Hmm what?" Sam asked, only just tuning in to what he was saying. "Oh yeah, I guess he just wants to put the past behind him. We should do it too."

"Yeah, the future's going to be beautiful now."

Sam didn't think so. "Talking about the future there's something I need to tell you."

"Just you and me and Joseph." Phil carried on, not realising she'd said anything.

"Phil! There's something I need to tell you." Sam began again.

"Go on then." he said, his lovable smile on his face.

"You should sit down." Sam said.

Phil's face fell as he sat beside her, scooping Joseph up into his arms. "What's the matter?"

"This isn't easy to say but I got my results today. And it wasn't a migraine I had. It was worse. You see the head ache was a symptom as was a couple of days ago when I was sick that was also a symptom." She said, beating around the bush.

"Sam you really are scaring me, what's going on?" Sam's eyes filled with tears as she tried to say it all over again. "Hey don't cry, it can't be that bad can it?"

"It's a tumour Phil, I have a brain tumour and I don't know whether it's going to get better or worse."

Phil didn't reply, he sat thinking about it all. It wasn't until Sam spoke that he woke up to the fact that he was being incredibly selfish. She didn't need to comfort him, he needed to comfort her.

"It'll be ok though. You and I will get through this." Sam said, trying to convince them both.

"Course it will. I won't let you die." He promised, he kissed her softly.

Sam held on to him tightly, sniffing and trying not to cry. "Will you still love me if this gets worse?"

"Yes, I'm always going to love you." He assured her. "I promise no matter what happens I'll never stop loving you."

"Thank you."

Joseph looked up at them curiously, oblivious to the fact that his mummy could be gone in a couple of months.

I've had this idea since about halfway through 'Unfaithful' lol. If you didn't know so are wondering what unfaithful is, then it's the prequel. Possibly would make more sense if you read that. Lol.


	13. Back To Work

**Skipping a couple of months/weeks because other wise i'm stuck ...**

Phil walked up to his and Sam's bedroom with toast and tea on a tray for them both. He walked in, Sam was in a charcoal black trouser suit with a white top underneath. She was vigorously wiping foundation on her face with a sponge. Phil walked over and kissed her cheek. He put his arms around her from behind and she relaxed in his embrace. Shutting her eyes.

"It'll be ok." Phil assured.

"Sorry Phil, I'm just having doubts about leaving Joseph behind with my mum." Sam replied.

He kissed the top of her head and whispered in her ear. "He'll be in good hands with your mum. Anyway this'll make you appreciate seeing him more yeah?"

Sam nodded sleepily. "Yeah."

Phil laughed. "You went to bed at nine, woke up at half seven and are still tired."

She nodded yawning and then laughed with Phil. A sharp pain shot through her forehead reminding her that she wasn't allowed to have fun or a good time. She shook her head, trying to shake out the pain. When it had subdued Sam and Phil sat together on the bed eating toast and drinking tea. Sam got up. "I'd better sort Joseph out ... quickly, look at the time!"

Phil shot up as he saw they had ten minutes to wake Joseph, stop at Elaine's and then get to work. He looked all the doors and opened all the curtains. By the time he'd got his shoes on Sam was hurrying down the stairs jiggling Joseph in her arms with her bag of baby supplies slipping down her shoulder.

* * *

Sam breathed a sigh of relief as Sam and Phil got in just as the DCI was starting his briefing. "Anyone who has paperwork overdue or about to be overdue had better start or finish it while I'm looking the other way on this drugs case." Jack said, bringing his briefing to a close. "One more note, I think you'd all join me in welcoming DI Nixon back off maternity leave."

Sam turned pink as people clapped her, she looked down at her knees before looking back up as the clapping subdued. Everyone was dismissed and she disappeared into her office to finish her long overdue paperwork that was still gathering dust on her desk. Sam had been writing for over an hour and half when her door opened. She looked up and put her pen down, glad to have the chance to rest her hand which was getting cramp. Stuart shut the door behind him and walked over. "Hey, welcome back. How are you feeling now?"

"The odd headache. Sense of loss without Joseph but other than that ok." Sam replied.

He smiled sympathetically. "Well I'm glad you're back. Very quiet without you."

Sam laughed. "Thanks." She paused but Stuart sense she wanted to say something else. "Have, have you told anyone about us breaking up and Phil being Joseph's father."

"I told people we'd broken up, Phil told them he was Joseph's father." Stuart said. "He thought it would make it easier for you when you returned if you were living a secret, plus now the dust's settled."

"Ah, did everyone take it bad?"

"No." Stuart said simply and sighed. "They're all happy for you. Kind of shows how many mates I have 'round here."

"You don't need mates to be a good copper." Sam said softly.

"Helps though when you have to partner up for school trips." Stuart grinned. Sam laughed. "I'd better get back to work, see ya Sam."

"Yeah bye Stuart."

* * *

Sam had a pile of her paperwork in her hands. She walked out her office, through CID and over to Jack's office. She balanced the paperwork on one hand and knocked softly. She walked in after being called, smiled and put her paperwork down for him. She went to walk out then turned back.

"Guv, you didn't say what I was to do in the drugs raid." Sam said.

"Sorry Sam you're not in it. In light of recent events and circumstances I thought it would be easier for you if you just took it easy." Jack replied.

"Oh, ok." Sam answered, disheartened.

On the way back to her office she bumped - literally - into Jo Masters. "Hey watch it guv, don't want to send you flying down the stairs." Jo joked.

Sam laughed.

"How are you? Ok now?" Jo asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Sam asked, panicking.

"I was just asking ..."

"Yeah well don't!" Sam snapped before heading into CID. Jo watched her confused. Thoughts whirled around her head. First Jack. Then Jo. Now she was sure every look people were giving her were sympathetic. She walked over to Stuart's desk and bent down. "Have you told people?"

"Told people what?"

"About the cancer?" Sam replied.

"No." Stuart said. "Why?"

"Well Jack seems to know. As does Jo. As does everyone who I pass." Sam said, upset.

"Sam, if anyone's told then it wasn't me I promise you." Stuart said soothingly.

"Alright, I'll ask Phil."

"He's on that raid at the moment. Ask him when he gets back." Stuart replied.

"I will do, I promise you that."


	14. Emotional Prayers

Phil returned from the raid, a big grin pastered on his face after catching one of the main suspects. Sam walked out of her office and over to Phil's desk. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, go ahead." Phil said sitting back in his chair.

"Not here." She said and Phil guessed something wasn't wrong.

She walked into her office as everyone from the raid entered CID for a debrief. Phil followed her in, shutting the door. "What's wrong then?"

"You told everyone didn't you." Sam accused, feeling the anger starting to bubble.

"Told everyone what?" Phil asked confused.

"Don't that crap Phil!" Sam shot at him.

"Honestly, babe. I have no idea what you're talking about." Phil insisted.

"JO, JACK ... THEY'VE BEEN ASKING ABOUT 'AM I ALRIGHT NOW?' AND 'HOW ARE YOU NOW?'. HAVE YOU TOLD THEM ABOUT THE CANCER? I MEAN I THOUGHT OF ALL PEOPLE I COULD TRUST YOU, YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO LOVE ME NOT TELL EVERYONE THAT I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR AND WHO KNOWS WHAT THE OUTCOME IS!" Sam shouted at Phil.

The door was opened and it was silent outside in the CID office. Stuart walked in a little and said uncomfortably. "Erm, Jo and Jack have just confirmed that neither knew about the tumour and everyone just heard every word you've said."

Sam sat on the chair, with her head in her hands breathing in and out deeply. She started sobbing, now everyone knew about her cancer. Phil walked over and hugged her tightly. "Shhhh ... it's alright babe." Phil comforted. "We'll get through this, together."

Sam nodded, her head buried in his chest. Stuart watched them, a little envious of their closeness and the way Sam just melted into Phil's arms. Stuart shut the door again and walked back out to everyone. Jack finished his brief, the spirit throughout his team had been wiped out though. Sam was well liked and everyone would support her through the next stages. Jack dismissed his troops again, telling them to carry on with their paperwork about the raid and any other stuff they had to catch up on before going over to her office and opening the door. Sam was wiping her eyes and Phil was crouched down by her. Neither noticed him so he decided to creep away before anyone realised he was there.

Sam looked up at Phil. "You should go, finish your work."

"I could always stay ..."

No Phil." Sam said firmly. "Your still my sargent and I still need to be a good DI so go finish whatever you need to finish."

Phil left and Sam sat in silence, she saw through the blinds him go to the photocopier so slipped out her office with her keys and coat. She got down to her car and just drove, not really knowing where she was going. She just needed to get away from the sympathetic glances as she walked through the corridor, and the sudden stops in conversation as she passed them.

* * *

"Now I know that you won't want sympathy or people tiptoeing around you because basically I think I'm one of the very few people who can say I know what you're going through." A voice said, Sam lifted her head and turned, she smiled at Inspector Gina Gold.

"How did you know I'd be here?" Sam asked.

"I don't really, I just thought about how I felt when I had cancer and where'd I want to be. To think." Gina said, sitting down beside her on the wooden bench.

"Did you come to a church then?" Sam asked, Gina looked around at the stain glass windows and the lit candles.

"No, but I should have done. So were you praying just now?" Gina asked.

"Yes, not something I usually do. I've never been religious but it just seemed like the only thing to do." Sam said. "Like if I start praying now He'll forgive me for hurting Stuart and just make the tumour go away. It's false hope, even I know that. But I'm so scared of dying Gina."

Now look at me, I'm in my fifties and I was still in my fifties when I got my cancer yet I'm still alive and kicking, sometimes screaming, depends what the relief are doing."

Sam laughed. "You were so brave Gina, you didn't need anyone. You coped by yourself and looked after yourself. You're so strong and I think I can honestly say I'm proud of knowing you."

Gina smiled. "Well thank you, but Sam you're going to cope. Not only that but you'll have friends and a new family to support you. You've still got your life ahead of you and I would place money on you being able to live it. You'll get through this, I know you will."

"Promise?"

"Nobody can promise that Sam, but I can hope and support you."

"Well thank you for that at least." Sam smiled. She bowed her head and said a prayer in her head, Gina was emotionally moved by Sam praying for her life that Gina bowed her head too and whispered a pray for Sam, Phil and baby Joseph.


	15. Before The Affair

There was a knock at the door and Sam went to answer, wondering if it was Phil coming back because he'd forgotten something. Phil was working late night shift at Sun Hill, much to his annoyance. He wanted to be at home with his family. Looking after his girlfriend and son. Sam was secretly thrilled, since it becoming public knowledge about her tumour a week ago he was able to try at protect her at work as well as home. Advising her not to go on OBBO's or big arrests. A lot of people were doing it and she'd more than once ran away to the church her and Gina had been. Just to have some quiet thinking time. She didn't want everyone to wrap her up in cotton wool. If Phil kissed her and she tried to take it to the next level he'd always say that it wasn't right. She should be resting. She was fed up with resting. She was starting to get fed up with the relationship.

She opened her front door and smiled as Stuart stood there. "Hey, I thought you may want some company and if you needed any help with Joseph."

Sam smiled again. "That's really sweet, come in. Do you want a drink? I'm sure I have a bottle of wine in the fridge."

"Ok." Stuart replied.

"Go into the lounge I'll bring it through in a minute."

Stuart did as he was told as Sam got the bottle and two glasses. Stuart sat at one end of the sofa and waited patiently for Sam. She came back and filled up their glasses, sitting at the other end with her legs tucked under her. Stuart smiled. He knew it was her favourite position to sit in.

"I'm glad we can drink this together, Phil wouldn't let me drink it before." Sam said taking a sip.

"If you don't mind me saying it sounds like he's trying to control you. At work he keeps saying he doesn't want you to waork big cases, yet your the DI. At home he won't let you drink. It's your house, not his." Stuart said.

"I know it may sound like that to you but he isn't controlling. He cares, he just doesn't know how to deal with this. Neither do I for that matter." Sam admitted. Sam and Stuart sat drinking in silence. The conversation struck up again and they ended up sitting and talking like they did long before her affair with Phil started. Sam saw the Stuart that she once liked as they talked.

At half ten Stuart realised what the time was. "Ah I'd better get going."

He put his glass on the coffee table. Sam did so too and got up to be the nice host and show him out. Stuart opened the door and turned back to Sam. "Thanks for coming around Stuart I really appreciate your company."

"That's alright." He kissed her cheek, he moved towards the door but she shut it. She moved up and kissed him, taking advantage or not he kissed her back and pushed her towards the stairs so they could stumble up the stairs like life had been before her affair.

**This is probably really short but hey i gotta go out, on a tight schedule lol. Anyway enough about me, please review XD**


	16. Fool To Believe

**Be prepared ...**

Phil got in from work by half twelve, he went straight upstairs and took a peek at his son, sleeping like an angel. He picked up the two way radio, confused at why it was off. He turned it on, automatically turning the one in his and Sam's bedroom on. Phil could hear voices.

"Like that?"

"Yeah, right where you were."

Phil was confused, he knew Sam had spoken first but the second voice, although familiar, Phil couldn't work out who it was. Curious, he walked to their bedroom and pushed open the bedroom door. The lamp was on, casting light around the room with dark shadows lurking in the corners. They were pointing at the display in the middle. Phil was stood still, disgusted and shocked. Stuart was sat on the bed, topless with his trousers down by his ankles. Sam was knealt between his knees with his manhood in her mouth. Neither even noticed Phil as Stuart's eyes were shut in pleasure and Sam's back was towards him. Stuart's fingers twisted in Sam's hair, pushing her further forward, Phil's own fingers pricked. He often ran his own hands through her hair. Stuart looked down at Sam and pulled her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist. Stuart ran his hands up her jeans and kissed her kneck, pushing her bra strap down. He stopped as he finally saw Phil stood there. Furious. Sam looked up as Stuart stopped planting his kisses.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked confused. She saw his eyes flit to Phil, fear flickered through them as Sam turned. Sam turned and locked eyes with Phil, guilt rushing through her. She slid off Stuart and he automatically pulled his trousers up. Sam stayed sitting on the bed watching Phil, she was biting her bottom lip guiltily as she could see the hurt and the pain she'd caused through his eyes. His face was just full of anger though. Stuart got up.

"Look mate ..."

"Don't you mate me." Phil snapped.

"What you annoyed because Sam can turn to me and not you?" Stuart asked. Phil walked forward and punched him in the jaw. Sam jumped up and tried to pull him off.

"Please Phil, stop!" Sam screamed.

Phil did so, Stuart got up and grabbed his shirt. He walked out the room and into the hall, shutting the door behind him. Sam slid her bra strap back up, not knowing what to say. She pulled her top back on, staring at the floor. When she looked back up and into Phil's hurt eyes her own filled with salty tears. "I'm so sorry." Sam whispered. Phil stayed still, Sam walked over to him. "Please, I'm sorry we can work it out right?"

Sam placed her hands on each side of his face. She leant up to kiss him. Phil grabbed her jaw with one hand, sueezing painfully. "Do you really think I want your lips on me after what you've just done with _him_?!"

"I'm sorry." She repeated tearsrunning down her face. "Please don't leave me I love you, I need you. So does Joseph."

"You dare bring Joseph into this, use him to get me to forgive you ... I despise you right now, you're a slut Sam." He told her before pushing her away. She fell and clipped her head on the wooden bedpost. She landed on the floor and he just glared at her, expecting her to get up. When she didn't he began to worry, he slowly walked over. There was no cut. No blood. No graze. A small bump was forming, and then it hit him ... the cancer. Maybe bumps to the head had an even worse effect. He got his mobile out and fumbled with the keypad before putting it to his ear.

"I ... I need an ambulance, it's my girlfriend. She's hit her head but has a tumour. She's stopped breathing. Please come quickly the address is 54 Ashcroft Road, Sun Hill. Thank you." He hung up then rang Sam's mum, Elaine. Explaining that she'd hit her head and could she come round to take Joseph while he went to the hospital with Sam.

Elaine arrived just as Sam was being put into the ambulance. Phil gave Elaine his keys to the house and she took over with Joseph. Stuart got into his car planning on following to the hospital, he wasn't going to leave just in case Sam decided she wanted him to stay with her after all.

* * *

Phil was shattered as he sat in the hospital corridor on a chair. Stuart was sat a couple of seats down, they hadn't said two words to each other upon arriving but Stuart thought now would be a good time to twist the knife. 

"Want me to tell you 'I told you so'?" Stuart asked smugly.

"What?" Phil asked, not really bothered with him.

"I said if she can cheat with you, she can cheat on you and now look what's happened. It was only a matter of time before she came running back to me." Stuart replied.

"Whatever Stu, just keep your pathetic opinions inside that small brain of yours." Phil said.

"Why do you think she came running to me in the first place? You wouldn't let her do anything. You weren't giving her any so she turned to the next best thing."

"You mean she turned to second best." Phil said, trying to act hard when really what he'd said had stung.

Stuart stood up, well up for another punch up. Phil stood to, just as ready when the doctor walked out of Sam's room and down to them. He looked at them both, noticing the tension.

"Mr Nixon?" He asked not sure which he should be talking to.

"I'm her boyfriend, it's Hunter." Phil answered before Stuart could make anything up.

"Ok Mr Hunter, Ms Nixon's bump to the head caused her to pass out because of the cancer ..."

_'I pay taxes for you to tell me that?'_

"...We are going to give her and emergency operation tomorrow to destroy the cancerous cells. The cancer hasn't spread very far so the procedure should be ... err ... simple ... and erm ... successful." The doctor stuttered. If Phil hadn't been so pleased and relieved then he would have found it suspicious. "You can go in and see her now, she's awake and breathing properly."

Phil walked towards her room. Stuart started to walk too but Phil stopped him. "Don't you think you've done enough for one night?" Phil hissed.

"Sex goes two ways Phil." Stuart sneered. "You ask her about you driving her to me and then start pointing fingers."

Phil walked away, he didn't want to believe what Stuart was saying, but it was becoming inevitable.

* * *

Sam was laying in the hospital bed on her back, she was staring at the wall when Phil walked in. She looked up at him then resumed staring at the wall. Phil walked around the other side and stood next to her. "I'm sorry for hurting you." 

"Don't even bother Phil, you don't mean it. I bet your jumping for joy inside. I hurt you so you physically hurt me." Sam said coldly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear. Unlike _some_ people." Phil replied.

"And what's that suppose to mean eh?" Sam asked.

"Why did you do it Sam? Why did you want to hurt me so badly? You could have talked to me, but you didn't." Phil said.

"I tried talking to you and you wouldn't listen." Sam replied.

"So this was about getting my attention?" Phil asked.

"No Phil, I guess I'm just a cold, hard, bitch." Sam answered.

"I don't think you are, I believe you won't tell me because you think I'll get angry."

"Fine! you want to know the truth?! I started shagging Stuart tonight because he made me feel normal!" Sam lost it. "He overlooked the cancer and saw me! He let me just talk to him for hours like a person and not a victim! He let me drink alcohol and he wasn't scared when _I _kissed _him_ ... he made me feel loved."

"Whereas me sticking by you and being sensible about alcohol and sex wasn't loving you?" Phil asked. "I was trying to not take advantage."

"Well you don't have to worry anymore because as of tomorrow I may be dead!... The doctor said it will probably be successful right?"

"Yeah."

"Well I told him to say that." She said, beginning to cry. "There's a sixty percent chance I may die. And I'm scared. Scared for me, for Joseph, for you." Sam admitted. Phil placed his hand over hers but she snatched it away. "Just go."

She went back to staring at the wal and he left, he began to shut the door and could hear her sobbing her heart out. It broke his already heavy heart.

**_I was a fool to believe_**

**_A fool to believe_**

**_It all ends today_**

**_Yes it all ... ends ... today ..._**

**_Today's a day, when dreaming ends._**

**- Fool To Believe, Nicole Kidman and Jim Broadbent**

**Moulin Rouge - **

**Like it? Hate it? Probably know your answer. But warning: any hate mail and you shall seal Sam's fate ie. ah hell with it why tell you the details I'll just spring it on you and, death is not the only way to make her and Phil lonely. Mwuahahahaha.**


	17. Run

Phil held sat Joseph on his knee jiggling him slightly, when the nurse walked over he put Joseph in his pram. Giving him a teddy to entertain himself with.

"You can go in and see Ms Nixon now, although she's been sedated so the drugs may start kicking in while you're talking." The nurse told him.

"Ok, thank you." Phil pushed Joseph's pram away. He took a backwards glance at the nurse. She was tall, pretty, dark hair pulled into a bun with a sweet smile. He turned away and realised that she had been the first woman he'd taken an interest in since starting the affair with Sam all those months ago. He felt slightly guilty, something he didn't used to feel after cheating with Cindy, he disliked feeling guilty as it gave him an inkling of how Sam felt the night before. It was obvious she had been extremely guilty, whereas Stuart had been smug and pleased that he had worked in them. Especially in such a position that a normal thinking Sam would never do.

Phil walked into Sam's room, he parked the pram up by her bed and looked down at her. Tears pricking her green eyes. He placed his hand on hers, like the night before, but this time instead of pulling away she linked her fingers with his. "I'm so sorry."

_**I'll sing it one last time for you**_

_**Then we really have to go**_

_**You've been the only thing that's right**_

_**In all I've done**_

"It's ok, I forgive you. I love you."

"I love you too." She whispered. "I swear I will never hurt you like this ever again."

He kissed her forehead. "I drove you to him, I was too controlling."

"Can we just go back to how we were before?" Sam asked.

"Sure."

She shut her eyes and a single tear sneaked out of her lid and crept down her face.

"What's wrong?" Phil asked. "I thought we were sorted now."

"We are ... I'm just so scared." Sam admitted.

"I know you are baby." Phil replied.

"I wrote this for you last night." She said picking up a piece of paper and handing it to him. "If I die, then read it please. If not then you don't need to worry."

_**And I can barely look at you**_

_**But every single time I do**_

_**You've been the only thing that's right**_

_**In all I've done**_

Phil put the note in his pocket, planning on reading it later. Phil picked Joseph up and gave him to Sam, she held on to her little boy giving him small kisses every now and then and hugging him tight. Phil knew why, she was thinking about if this was the last time she ever got to see Joseph. She bounced him in her arms and he giggled in delight. Sam smiled proudly, that was his first giggle.

"Remember to write that in the baby book." She told Phil.

"I will." He promised hoping that in years to come when he read 'Joseph's first giggle' it would be in Sam's handwriting and not his.

Sam yawned and Phil knew the drugs were starting to have their affect on her body. Her eye lids started to flutter a couple times more with each blink and she looked more drowsy despite this she stayed awake. Talking with Phil animatedly. Phil found it really hard to keep watching her. He wanted to remember the times she was happy and well not when she was ill just in case she did die in the theatre room but she was getting more tired and the operation was coming further forward.

_**Light up, light up**_

_**As if you have a choice**_

_**Even if you cannot hear my voice**_

_**I'll be right beside you dear**_

_**Louder, louder**_

_**And we'll run for our lives**_

_**I can hardly speak I understand**_

_**Why you can't raise your voice to say**_

"I ... I don't wanna die." Sam whispered.

"I know." Phil gripped her hand tightly. "I can't promise that you won't, but I can promise that I love you and I always will."

"I'll always love you too." Phil kissed Sam's forehead tenderly. He wiped his nose across her forehead softly. Phil pulled back and locked eyes with the green iris' he'd already fallen in love with a million times over.

_**To think I might not see those eyes**_

_**Makes it so hard not to cry**_

_**And as we say our long goodbyes**_

_**I nearly do**_

Phil stayed talking to her, stroking her silky hair until the same nurse as before walked in and checked her over, Phil didn't look at the brunette in any way other than professionally, the feelings were gone as quickly as they had came. Sam was the only woman for him at that moment.

"We need to take her out now, if you'd like to go down to the canteen with your son to wait?" The nurse suggested.

"Ok, I'll be gone for a while Sam but I'll be right here when you get back. Bye." He told her sweetly.

"No Phil, not goodbye, never goodbye." Sam said. "I'll be back, to be with you and Joseph."

Phil smiled. "That's it Sam, let that fire in you burn."

"I will." Sam promised him.

"I never doubt that for a moment."

_**Light up, light up**_

_**As if you have a choice**_

_**Even if you cannot hear my voice**_

_**I'll be right beside you dear**_

_**Louder, louder**_

_**And we'll run for our lives**_

_**I can hardly speak I understand**_

_**Why you can't raise your voice to say**_

Elaine arrived and found him in the canteen, after talking to the brown haired nurse. She ordered herself a coffee and sat with him, they talked about Sam. Elaine forced everything that had happened the night before out of him, not talking about it much the night before or that morning. Elaine put her head in her hand.

"What you have to understand is that sometimes she does irrational things when she's scared or confused." Elaine said. "Silly girl."

"It's ok, we've sorted it all out." Phil assured her.

"Well that's good because she loves you alot." Elaine told him. "She was really worried telling you about the cancer, she was worried about hurting you or you leaving because it was too much to handle."

"I'm not going to leave her, not again. I love her alot."

Elaine smiled. "I can see that."

_**Have heart my dear**_

_**Were bound to be afraid**_

_**Even if it's just for a few days**_

_**Making up for all this mess**_

"She's tired, and she's going to need rest ... but the cancer's gone." The surgeon told Elaine and Phil. Phil almost collapsed from relief.

"Thank you, thank you so very much." Phil said, emotionally overwhelmed.

"It's fine." The surgeon told him, a broad smile on his face. He loved seeing happy relatives, it made him feel needed and his life had a major purpous. "You can go and see her now."

Phil and Elaine walked down to her room, Phil knew that he had so many people to call. He had to tell so many people about her being ok. It really was like his birthday and christmas had come early, the woman he loved was finally safe from a killer that claimed so many lives.

_**Light up, light up**_

_**As if you have a choice**_

_**Even if you cannot hear my voice**_

_**I'll be right beside you dear.**_

**- Run, Snow Patrol - **

"How did it go?" Sam asked, her throat dry and her voice hoarse. "I'm alive, but did it work?"

"It worked." Phil said, tears spilling out of his eyes.

He saw the tears of joy, coming from her own eyes. He lent down and kissed her passionately. "You're going to live and with Joseph and I you're going to have some wonderful years ahead of you."

"No kidding."

**What do you think? IMO there's only an epilogue left to do so if anyone has any ideas for an epilogue please do tell. Drop me a review, very much appreciated. BTW if you drop me a review, you'll be thanked in the last chapter (hint hint) - I always do it, if you've lived through one of my fics (i know they're long at times) then you'll know that. So please review.**


	18. Race For Life

**So here it is, the final chapter of Fool To believe. End of an era for Sam and Phil's unfaithful ways. Great pun there.**

Sam's POV

Heart racing, feet pounding. We won't give up, we're near the finish line now. Gina and I. We're thinking of how happy we'll feel after beating this race. Just like we both beat the cancer.

Girls pass us and smile as they run too, we're all after the same goal crossing the finish line. It doesn't matter if we're first or last, it's just what the race symbolises. The struggle, like the cancer and then suddenly the great feeling of release as the race finishes like when the cancer's gone.

I passed a sign, "Race4Life", and then I smiled. I'm actually running through this, Gina and I had discussed it but we never thought we'd actually do it and now we were.

The overwhelming feeling of giving up, walking the rest of the way is so appealing as we see the finish line but I'm not weak and neither's Gina. We'll make it, together we will.

I see Phil and Abi in the crowd of people watching Phil looks so proud, he's put Joseph on his shoulders so he can get a better look. I feel a swell of pride looking at Joseph. He's two, I've actually been able to see his second birthday when once a long time ago I doubted whether I'd see any of his birthdays let alone two already.

With the image of my family in my head I carry on running, refusing to give up. And as we cross the finish line I want to cry with happiness. All the hard work, all the struggling has brought me to this spot. Here, now. We're given a medal on a pink ribbon each.

I turn to Gina and hug her out of pure happiness, she's red in the face and I guess I am too. We stand to the side and cheer on everyone else until the very last person has crossed with just as much cheers as the first person who crossed.

* * *

Later that night in the local pub we sit together with our friends from Sun Hill. Phil sits with his arm around my shoulders and Joseph's sitting on my lap. Drinking from a bottle of coke. He climbs off and goes to play with Abi's kid Jared as well as a few other children. I rest my head on Phil's shoulder.

"You did it." Phil whispered.

"We did it." I reply. He leans down and gives me a kiss and I feel so incredibly happy. I feel proud of myself too. I've done something worth being proud of. This pride is much better that any pride I've gotten from a case I've cracked because this was proving to myself that I could do it.

**So it's only short but to hell with it.**

**Special thanks - as always - to the reviewers: Emma, Sacha, Vikki, dolphincrazy, Gabiace, Vicki, Kelly, CarrotLucky14, Ami, Abi, big h, Gemz, smartiesaremyantidrugs, Amy, Laura, Lindz, I-LUV-WILL-TURNER, Karri, Emz, Sarah, Jodie, Becca, InnocentLost.Inasplitsecond, Lisa, Clare, Rose Tyler611, Claire, Jo, Pippa, Jules**


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